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Tomeka Bailey was violated by her Uncle
Moses at nine years old. Sadly, her mother did
not believe her and so the abuse continued.
As an adult, she served our nation and was
gang-raped in the military -- a battle that
remains ongoing to this day.
As anger and emotional challenges plagued
her, Tomeka, at one point, tried to end her life.
Though she still struggles, she has found hope.
This is her story in her own words.
The "No More Secrets" campaign is sharing the stories of courageous women who survived sexual assault
and are now using their voices to let other survivors know, they are not alone. Warning: Readers may find
sexually graphic details extremely disturbing
The first time I was violated I was at 9 years old by my Uncle Moses until I was 15. Then, at 20, I was gang raped in the
With my uncle, I didn't tell at first because I was confused. In the military, I was older and I told immediately and filed
police reports, but they made it as though it was my fault for telling the truth. Being in a man’s army, I was refused
medical care and isolated. I am still fighting for medical benefits.
*The No More Secrets campaign has elected to exclusively publish details about the sexual molestation at the hands of
The first time my uncle violated me, I was in the basement. He threatened me that he would kill my parents with a gun he
had if I told.
I was a tomboy and sexual things weren't on my mind. Cartoons, beating up boys and playing were the things I was
interested in. When I did tell, I went to my older sister about it because it really made me feel uncomfortable and sick to
my stomach. I still get nauseous in my adult life about some things sexually with my husband because of what happened
with my uncle.
My sister told me to tell my mom because that wasn’t supposed to be happening, but my mom didn’t believe me at all nor
did anyone else in my family really. When I told my mother everything, she shamed me and asked details and questions
that I just didn’t have answers to. This gave my Uncle Moses ammo to tell me, "See, I told you no one would ever believe
you." That left it open to him to have his way with me anytime he had a chance.
My mother didn’t seem like she was on my side, but his. She then demanded that I confront him with my sister and
grandmother. He never admitted to it and once he knew they didn’t believe me, it was like it gave him a green light to do
whatever he wanted. After that, I tried hard to stay away from him, but he would somehow find a way to get me alone.
My mother even left him to watch me, my brother and cousin once, which was the last time that he tried to rape me. But
my other uncle was there and my brother and cousin were looking for me so I could finish playing with them. Somehow,
my two uncles ended up arguing, which took the focus off of me.
Come to find out, he not only had molested and raped me, he had done the same exact things to my older sister and
older cousin but, they never said anything.
It took us moving to Tennessee, where my father's job had placed him, for the abuse to finally stop.
The sad thing is, when my uncle sees me, he still comments on how beautiful I am and how much of a woman I have
grown to become, and says that my daughters look beautiful.
It has taken GOD to heal me and help me release the hatred in my heart towards him. There were many times I wanted to
kill him. I felt my life was ruined by his sick, perverted ways!
I was 30 years old when I was finally able to talk about it in public.
HOW IT IMPACTED ME
The sexual attacks impacted me a lot, I have had a ton of abusive relationships, a failed abusive marriage, same sex
relationships, huge trust issues, self-esteem fights, and suicide attempts. I felt like God was punishing me and he didn’t
care about me at all. I felt abandoned by my family for not protecting me. I also felt dirty, nasty inside and out. I had
believed that I wasn’t good for anything and wouldn’t amount to much either.
I became the "Incredible Hulk"-- very angry. The smallest things would set me off as a teenager. As an adult, it just got
worse. I had trouble forgiving. I hated those who had wronged me deeply, to the point where, if they were on fire, I would
have walked by like nothing was happening, drinking a nice cold cup of water.
But God took all that anger, hatred, resentment and unforgivness from my heart that had me seriously bound up. I do still
suffer from severe PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Bi-polar disorder, depression and anxiety. So far, I have
made it only because of Jesus!
He has brought me out of the hell I was in to a life of continual healing and growing in him.
WHY I AM SPEAKING OUT IN THE "NO MORE SECRETS" CAMPAIGN
The "No More Secrets" campaign is important because I have found through working with teens, and talking with other
women and men, they are taught by parents that, "Whatever goes on in this house stays in this house!" That includes if
you are being hurt, abused, raped, molested, and neglected.
No one tells and they end up taking the things that happened to them and passing those cycles on to their children
through different behaviors and negative patterns.
Breaking the silence gives others a chance to heal, release the shame and whatever they may be holding onto.
Speaking out also gives someone else hope that they can make it. The secrets need to be exposed.
MY WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS
It’s not your fault. No one ever asks to be violated or abused. You didn’t bring this on yourself. I have been down that
road. I’m here for you my sister. You don’t have to walk alone in silence, hurting and allowing the devil to torment you.
You can walk in victory and know that all things, no matter how bad, work together for the good.
Also, if you are struggling and hurting, there is help for you. You don’t have to take this walk alone. You are not the only
one that has been violated. You are beautiful, smart, priceless, loved and treasured. No matter what has happened, you
can make it. At times, it may not seem like it. But, it’s worth the fight because you are priceless and valuable!
|© 2015 EEW Magazine. All rights reserved. Award-winning urban faith-based media specialist Dianna Hobbs has launched the “No More
Secrets” nonprofit campaign to make it safe for sexual abuse survivors to open up.
DISCLAIMER: The personal accounts of sexual violence you see on DontKeepSecrets.org were voluntarily submitted by participants in the
national “No More Secrets” campaign. These descriptions are based on their individual experiences and memories. EEW Magazine and
RAINN shall not be held liable for any statements, views or information shared. Testimonies do not necessarily reflect the views of EEW,
RAINN, Lamp Mode Recordings, or any agents or affiliated organizations